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Posts Tagged ‘nonbinary’

What's in a Name?

Wednesday, October 16th, 2024

First came the pronouns, then came the name.

I didn't dislike my given name. The name just felt very female. And since I realized I was nonbinary, by the very definition of nonbinary, I wasn't female. A name change felt in order.

I started looking at gender neutral names. One caught my eye. For some reason, I passed it up. So. Many. Names. I felt overwhelmed by them all. I thought having a system would help.

I'm Irish and Welsh, so I perused Irish and Welsh gender neutral names that start with a C. I figured I could change the C to a K and it would align with my previous name. My plan was genius! How could it fail?! It can fail if you don't like any of your options. I decided to return to the overwhelming list of names… Soon…

First, I went to see Brandi Carlile "and friends" at the Hollywood Bowl. My friend and I attended hoping that Joni Mitchell might show up. She did. And so did other "friends" including Annie Lennox. Annie was alive. Bouncing, exuberant, having fun dancing up a storm. She was 69 and relentless. If she wasn't singing lead, she was singing backup. She was supporting others on stage. She seemed egoless and joyful. I'm a child of the eighties and the Eurhythmics never failed to capture my imagination. And Annie? She was one of the first androgynous women that came into my consciousness. I connected with her. The suits, the spiky hair, the everything. Most recently, she kept appearing in my Instagram feed with political messages. Could she be anymore awesome? Then I remembered the name that had caught my eye at the beginning of my search: Lennox. I didn't know anyone named Lennox. There was no baggage associated with the name. Annie was the only Lennox I knew. Once I really considered the name, I knew it was right. It just fit.

Now, when people question my name. "Lennox?" "Yes, like Annie. Annie Lennox."

Could she be anymore badass?

Gender Schmender

Sunday, November 1st, 2020

This started as stand-up so I expected you to see me when you heard this. But now you're reading it. So…..

Who's that girl?

I know, you're thinking, well, she's really given up on herself. Nope. This is me. I've never been girly. Rachel Maddow wears too much makeup for me. You know that girl who wore a tux to her prom? That was me. Even though I went with my boyfriend. I find that I still have to come out as hetero. A situation I would often find myself in when I moved to San Francisco. Having to come out. And to every therapist I ever had. No. I'm not a lesbian. I like dudes!

Then the world at large started becoming aware of the difference between gender and sexuality- or we all caught up with the enlightened. That's when a light bulb went off in my head. Ohhhh. All these years, that's what people have been picking up on. Not that I was a lesbian, but that I was part dude. Not transgender. Just a pinch. Okay. More than a pinch.
Gawd bless the nonbinary for letting me realize this. I love the overexuberance of youth. Some say they over-embrace the nonbinary, but if they didn't where would we be? Fuck we- where would I be. Questioning my sexuality because everyone else did.

Let me back up.

I had short hair when I was little. I used to get mistaken for a boy. A LOT. By girls in the girls' bathroom. Girls screaming- something I never did. I mean, I yelled, but I never screamed- girls screaming that I was in the wrong bathroom. Their response both upset and empowered me. What's wrong with me?! I'm a freak! Wait. I had older brothers and I wanted to be like them. So, yay?

I wanted so badly to be like them, my older brothers, that I shaved once- before they shaved. And cut up my face. My family laughed at me. Girls don't do that, they said. And I thought, well, they don't because it hurts.

I also tried to pee standing up. They told me girls don't do that, either. And it was messy. Mom had to talk to me. Apparently, boys are equipped to do this. Which is not fair, because public restrooms are disgusting. I'd rather pee standing up instead of spending eons fashioning an ass-gasket- er, er, toilet seat cover- out of toilet paper. Just one of the many ways that men have an advantage over women. Wait. Gender. Men/women. Plumbing. Whatever. I get confused when I have to talk about whatever we are / I am anymore.

I've often wondered if my proclivity toward men's clothes is just about the pockets. Oh, and the comfort. And the flat shoes. And I don't do skirts. Didn't. The only time you'll see me in a skirt is if my crotch needs some air. Ugh. My poor mother would go batshit any time I dressed as a girl, any time I did anything remotely girly. Needless to say, she wasn't happy that I wore a tux to my prom. My first year of college, I asked for make-up for Christmas. She bought me $500 worth of make-up. And this was 1984. So, that makeup would probably cost at least a couple thousand in today's dollars. Seriously. She wanted me to be girly.

Sorry Mom.